Procrastination

There is a shelf in my room, on it are a handful of small items: a small necklace and earrings I got on a trip to Mexico, a small spoon, a CD. All of them are meant for a friend- they have been sitting on the shelf for 2 years, since I came back from my travels. Everyday, I pass by the shelf, look at the gifts and think, "I should really mail those." But the thought quickly passes as my mind becomes occupied with something else, and I forget- until I see it again- then of course, I think about mailing it, but don’t. The cycle continues. My habits of laziness and procrastination glaze over any impulse of action. I think of doing, but never take the last step.
And then…
I hear a song that clearly reminds me of her, not just her image, but the energy she evokes in me. She bubbles, her laughter sounds like bells moving across a meadow. I remember walking though Zurich with her in the snow, arms linked and laughing. Something stirs inside me, unnameable and mostly dormant; but it stirs and flutters with crisp attention and force.

In that precious moment, I wake up. I get up and walk over to the gifts…I’m ready for the last step, the last push through the interval. I pick the items up, put them in a box, and walk out the door…a couple of blocks later I am at the post office and mail the gift.
It’s 2 years of habits that have crippled me, preventing me from moving. It was not forgetfulness, I saw the gifts everyday... it was the habit of laziness, the habit of attention wandering, lack of will and determination. I have been lost in the final interval. For a brief moment, when the machine wakes up, its simple. Action and attention are aligned within me.